Monday and Tuesday

Or as I like to call it, "Blah and Blah".
It's cold, windy and rainy. Fast forward 2 or 3 weeks and I'll be saying "it's cold, windy and SNOWY". I hate living north of the equator.

The week so far has brought nothing interesting to report. Mostly annoying ass things. I have to remind myself to be grateful for the things I have, and that's pretty sad.

My parents are leaving for Pittsburgh tomorrow. They'll be back sometime Friday night. So it's just going to be me, Phil and the dog.

I feel guilty about being happy that I'll have the house to myself. I mean, I wish my mother didn't have to have treatment for anything! It's just a reminder that I want to LIVE in my OWN space! Although, me living with the parents is a blessing for them right now. They don't have to foster out the dog, and I'll be there to clean and bring in the mail.

Phil's last DUI class was today. He is happy that he has complied with everything the Judge told him to do. He said he actually learned alot, and thinks that DUI school should be mandatory for anyone BEFORE they get their driver's license. He thinks it would cut back on DUI's.
Maybe he's right? I dont' know. It's nice to have another piece of this situation behind us.

Anyway....again. nothing new to report. blah and blah.

Good news!

My mom told me that my uncle came through his heart cath fine. In fact, she said it showed NO blockages! That's fantastic! So, he still needs surgery, he has a leaky valve that needs to be repaired.
While that stinks...I'm so happy he only has to have that done.

Phil and I had another talk about Hawaii. He's going through the typical male "holy shit this is real" fear. He said it's easy to talk about what you want "in the future" but....now that the future is getting closer, he's panicking. I, personally, think that's normal male behavior and he'll get over it.

We've been talking about ways to help him get over his fear of flying. I suggested we take a trip. Not a long flight...maybe to DC or to Florida, just to "break him in". Hawaii is a long ass flight...but if he gets on a plane and sees it's really not a big deal, I think he'll come around.

Anyway. Off to enjoy another RAINY day.

Let's talk about...Hawaii and the gynecologist.

Who wouldn't want to get married with that as the background???


Hawaii first because it's so much more fun.

Paradise Cove is looking more and more like "the place" every day.
My mom is so EXCITED about this possiblity, I'd almost feel guilty if I told her tomorrow that we changed our minds.

http://www.paradisecovehawaii.com/CustomEvents/weddings.htm


Phil originally was like "maybe" and not wanting to say 100% "yes let's do it there".
Over the weekend he moved into the "probably" catagory. And last night, we were talking about it, and I asked him what was it that was keeping him on the fence..was it that he's not ready, or that he just doesn't want to do it there, or he doesn't want to do it at all?? Surprisingly, his answer was that he's afraid of the flight.
I was like "really??? that's it??? Because we can work on THAT!!"

So....I'm excited.
I think I can almost positively say that we're going to get married in Hawaii!



Now for the unfun part...
My ob/gyn FINALLY got back to me, about my HSG results. I have an office appointment on 10/16 to talk about my options.
I hope one of them is GETTING IT THE FUCK OUT OF ME!

Anyway...back to thinking Happy Hawaii thoughts...

Mom's feeling better...

Mom's feeling better, and that's good. Today is also her birthday. I hope she likes the gift bag I left for her.

I got her a jogging suit (she asked for one), and two knit caps for days when she doesn't want to wear her wig. (also asked for) One is just a plan, tan, wooly/knit cap,and the other is a Cleveland Browns one. That one will go down to the hospital with her. She's crazy. She's completely serious about wearing mostly Browns gear while she is forced to live in Pittsburgh. That's my mom.

Today my Uncle Steve is having a heart cath. I know that his family is very anxious and scared. I pray that God gives them all the strength to make it through the day, and to handle whatever news the cardiologist gives them. Uncle Steve is a tough guy, and he WILL be ok. I completely empathize with the fear his family is going through though. My cousin said she didn't want to hear anymore about how it's a routine procedure, because as routine as it may be, it's still his HEART.

She's right.

When you are going through a medical emergency as the patient, or as the loved one of a patient, the last thing you want to hear is "oh that's routine, don't worry'.
Not worrying is not a possiblity. Anytime the word "procedure" is mentioned, I get a cold chill, whether it's related to me, or someone I love. Shit is scary. Let us be afraid. Just be there to listen, or give hugs, or cook a meal...or to let us cry.

In the end, everything is up to God, and it's all in His hands.....and just because we might be afraid of what lies ahead, doesn't mean we don't have faith. It means we're human and we don't want the ones we love to suffer.

My cousin also said "can't we just put our parents in a bubble?".

I wish we could.

Happy Birthday Mom.
Good luck Uncle Steve.

Mom's schedule changed

Mom has a cold, because my douchebag brother doesn't seem to understand what "compromised immune system" means.

So, the doctor has refused to place the port this week, or to do the chemo, because he doesn't want to compromise her immune system more. Everything has been pushed back a week.

So, instead of mom and dad leaving on the 23rd, they are leaving on the 30th.


My uncle has to have open heart surgery. So, if anyone reading this is the praying type, prayers for a safe and speedy recovery for him would be greatly appreciated.

Because I was told to..

Because I was told to update my blog (thanks Karen), I am updating.

Nothing special or fun has happened to me. I spent a week at Phil's, it was nice :)

Last night Phil and I went out to dinner with Karin at Outback, which was also nice.

Mom had a full day of testing on Friday. She had to have another bone marrow biopsy, and she said it was not terrible. She said the nurse that did it was better than the doctor in Erie that did it. So that is saying alot.

My mom and dad go back down to Pittsburgh on Wednesday, and they are staying that night and Thursday. She's having a port put in, and then they are giving her chemo.

She will be home on Friday. She will go back on Oct 5...where they will harvest her stem cells. Back to Pittsburgh on Oct 12, for more chemo, and then on the 15th, she gets her stem cells back.
So...prayers will be much appreciated.

Ugh

Have you ever been so sick, your pinky toes hurt?


I am that sick. I didn't go to work yesterday, but I have a car payment, so I dragged ass in today. I am not sure how this is going to go...with me rushing to the bathroom every 10 minutes.

My very helpful PCP told me to "ride it out". Waste of a co pay.

Anyway. Happy Tuesday.

TGIF

TGIF Indeed.

Without getting into too much detail my day did not start out well. Had a bit of nastiness that left me in tears, in front of my boss.

Long story short, he's got my back, and everything's ok, but man did that put a damper on my day.
It's cloudy and cold and will be raining too, so yay summer!

Phil's mom and dad leave for a weeklong trip on sunday, so we'll be spending the week together. It should be very nice.

I have no plans for the weekend, and that's how I like it. Video games, kittens, walking the dog, and just vegging out. Sounds good to me.

Anyway, boring today, I know, but sometimes boring is good.

Mom's news.....I hope I got it right..

So, my mom is going down to P-burgh, on the 17th...or is it the 18th? to get a port put in, because, yes, she needs to have real-deal chemo now. They told her that she will lose her hair, and she was very upset about it.





I think that made it really, really, real for her. I told her she'd be cute bald, because she could totally pull it off. Phil said he'd shave his head and be bald with her. So did my Uncle Pat.


Dad said he wasn't doing it, because he has a "funny bump" on his head that he doesn't want everyone to see.


I said I wasn't going to because I just like my hair too much. Really, if you've ever had a haircut by Karin, you wouldn't want to shave it either. She does excellent work.





Anyway...after the port, she gets chemo on the 24th and 25th (her birthday, yay). Then on October 5th, she goes back down and they will harvest her stem cells.





On October 12th, she will become a resident of Shadyside, because they will do the transplant, and then she's expected to be there for 3-4 weeks.





She says "14 days". We'll see. My mom is also on the hunt for Cleveland Browns doo-rags, scarves, shirts, hell even underpants, because she said she's not living in Steeler town without her Browns gear.


God help us, my mother is going to start a riot in the hospital.


LOL





It will be good for her though....some good natured ribbing will keep her on her toes and keep her from feeling sorry for herself and moping around. The doctor said her recovery is going come down to attitude. If there is ONE thing my mom has, it's fucking attitude. LOL





There's a lot of stuff she (and we) have to do in between the port going in and her transplant...like she needs to get her hair cut SHORT, and we need to clean the house, REALLY clean it, because once the chemo destroys her immune system...we have to make sure there's no dust, no mold spores, no germs at all getting in here. We got to lock it down like Attica.





So...that in a brief nutshell is what's happening with mom.





Me?? Not so much anything. Waiting for the HSG to go to my Ob/gyn, and waiting for him to schedule me in. I'll keep you all posted on my vag's adventures, as I'm sure you're all on the edges of your respective seats.





Love,


Nikki

It's Saturday!

It's Saturday, the sun's out, my man's here, yesterday was payday, and all is good in the world.


I want to shop, shop, shop, shop, but I can't, can't, can't, can't.

Actually, I informed Phil today that I want to get married next year, that would be in 2010 (he agreed that would be good). I really think we're going to have a Destination Wedding. So, my question for anyone who might be reading this (and I'm sure it's only like 3 or 4 of you)....

Where do you think a good place to go would be?
We go back forth about Vegas, or Mexico..
But then, there's always Puerto Rico, The Domincan Republic, Jamaica, The US Virgin Islands....
Or..
Places like the Napa Valley, or hell, anywhere in the US really.


So...any ideas? Suggestions?

I survived!

Ok, first of all..
Dr Genius, is the best. The test, while uncomfortable, was not really that painful. He was true to his word. Of course I was so worked up over it, that he gave me valium, and well, to be honest, that could be why the test wasn't so bad.

It felt like really nasty menstrual cramps. But it was fast.

Here's the news.

Seems I DO NOT have this mythical duplicate uterus that everyone said I did!!!!!!

Color me very pissed off at this point. He said "Nikki this is GOOD news" but I was so frustrated, overwhelmed, relieved, and HIGH that I was bawling my eyes out. He told me the source of my pain is a fibroid that my doctor here at home can easily handle.

So, we went to Grove City and Phil treated me to a little retail therapy. I would like to say that I bought out the Coach store, but I just came home with new jammies. New Jammies always seems to make me feel better for some reason. (I know Dina agrees!!)

I am having my all too familiar pain today, as I type, and I took a Lortab about 45 minutes ago, so I'm feeling a little bit foggy.

I called my doctor at 7, when the office opened. His nurse called me back at 720....she's relaying the info to him and they will get back to me later today.

I just want this to be OVER! I don't know how they remove a fibroid....laser maybe? But with my luck they'll have to cut it out. So surgery will be my destination after all.

Dr Genius showed me the picture of my uterus. He said as an RE, the picture I have would give him great joy, because my uterus is healthy, my tubes are clear and healthy, and he thinks I'm going to have pregnancies and babies with no trouble at all. So, that's the best news of all.

Next test...my uterus all lit up like broadway.

The hysterosalpingogram is scheduled for Thursday, Sept 3rd.

I cannot put into words how much I am NOT looking forward to this test.

What is a hysterosalpingogram? Well Google tells us this:

A hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is an X-ray test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the area around them. It often is done for women who are having a hard time becoming pregnant (infertile).
During a hysterosalpingogram, a dye (contrast material) is put through a thin tube that is put through the vagina and into the uterus. Because the uterus and the fallopian tubes are hooked together, the dye will flow into the fallopian tubes. Pictures are taken using a steady beam of X-ray (fluoroscopy) as the dye passes through the uterus and fallopian tubes. The pictures can show problems such as an injury or abnormal structure of the uterus or fallopian tubes, or a blockage that would prevent an egg moving through a fallopian tube to the uterus. A blockage also could prevent sperm from moving into a fallopian tube and joining (fertilizing) an egg. A hysterosalpingogram also may find problems on the inside of the uterus that prevent a fertilized egg from attaching (implanting) to the uterine wall.

Why It Is Done

A hysterosalpingogram is done to:
Find a blocked fallopian tube. The test often is done for a woman who is having a hard time becoming pregnant. An infection may cause severe scarring of the fallopian tubes and block the tubes, preventing pregnancy. Occasionally the dye used during a hysterosalpingogram will push through and open a blocked tube.
Find problems in the uterus, such as an abnormal shape or structure, an injury, polyps, fibroids, adhesions, or a foreign object in the uterus. These types of problems may cause painful menstrual periods or repeated miscarriages.
See whether surgery to reverse a tubal ligation has been successful.

How To Prepare

Before a hysterosalpingogram, tell your doctor if you:
Are or might be pregnant.
Currently have a pelvic infection (pelvic inflammatory disease) or sexually transmitted disease (such as gonorrhea or chlamydia).
Are allergic to the iodine dye used or any other substance that has iodine. Also tell your doctor if you have asthma, are allergic to any medicines, or have had a serious allergic reaction (anaphylaxis) from any substance (such as the venom from a bee sting or from eating shellfish).
Have any bleeding problems or are taking any blood-thinning medicines, such as aspirin or warfarin (Coumadin).
Have a history of kidney problems or diabetes, especially if you take metformin (Glucophage) to control your diabetes. The dye used during a hysterosalpingogram can cause kidney damage in people with poor kidney function. If you have a history of kidney problems, blood tests (creatinine, blood urea nitrogen) may be done before the hysterosalpingogram to check that your kidneys are working well.
This test should be done 2 to 5 days after your menstrual period has ended to be sure you are not pregnant. It should also be done before you ovulate the next month (unless you are using contraception) to avoid using X-rays during an early pregnancy. You may want to bring along a sanitary napkin to wear after the test because some leakage of the X-ray dye may occur along with slight bleeding.
You may need to sign a consent form that says you understand the risks of a hysterosalpingogram and agree to have the test done. Talk to your health professional about any concerns you have about the need for the test, its risks, how it will be done, or what the results will mean.


How It Is Done

A hysterosalpingogram usually is done by a radiologist in the X-ray room of a hospital or clinic. A radiology technologist and a nurse may help the doctor. A gynecologist or a doctor who specializes in infertility (reproductive endocrinologist) also may help with the test.
Before the test begins, you may get a sedative or ibuprofen (such as Advil) to help you relax and to relax your uterus so it will not cramp during the test. You will need to take off your clothes below the waist and drape a gown around your waist. You will empty your bladder and then lie on your back on an examination table with your feet raised and supported by stirrups. This allows your doctor to look at your genital area.
An X-ray may be taken to make sure that there is nothing in the large intestine (colon) that could block the view of the uterus and fallopian tubes. Sometimes a laxative or enema is given a few hours before the test to empty the large intestine.
Your doctor will put a smooth, curved speculum into your vagina. The speculum gently spreads apart the vaginal walls, allowing him or her to see the inside of the vagina and the cervix. The cervix may be held in place with a clamp called a tenaculum. The cervix is washed with a special soap and a stiff tube (cannula) or a flexible tube (catheter) is put through the cervix into the uterus. The X-ray dye is put through the tube. If the fallopian tubes are open, the dye will flow through them and spill into the belly where it will be absorbed naturally by the body. If a fallopian tube is blocked, the dye will not pass through. The X-ray pictures are shown on a TV monitor during the test. If another view is needed, the examination table may be tilted or you may be asked to change position.
After the test, the cannula or catheter and speculum are removed. This test usually takes 15 to 30 minutes.

How It Feels

You probably will feel some cramping like menstrual cramps during the test. The amount of pain you have depends on what problems the doctor finds and treats during the test.
Risks
There is always a small chance of damage to cells or tissue from being exposed to any radiation, including the low levels of radiation used for this test. The chance of damage from the X-rays is generally very low compared with the potential benefits of the test.
There is a small chance (less than 1 in 100) of a pelvic infection, endometritis, or salpingitis after the test. The chance may be higher for women who have had pelvic infections before. Your doctor may give you antibiotics if he or she thinks you might develop a pelvic infection.
There is a small chance of damaging or puncturing the uterus or fallopian tubes during the test.
There is a small chance of an allergic reaction to the iodine X-ray dye, especially if you are allergic to any shellfish.
In rare cases, if an oil-based dye is used, the oil can leak into the blood. This can cause blockage of blood flow to a section of the lung (pulmonary embolism). Most hysterosalpingogram tests use water-based dyes.
After the test
After the test, some of the dye will leak out of the vagina. You also may have some vaginal bleeding for several days after the test. Call your doctor immediately if you have:
Heavy vaginal bleeding (soak more than one tampon or pad in one hour).
A fever.
Severe belly pain.
Vaginal bleeding that lasts for more than 3 to 4 days.


(source: http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/hysterosalpingogram-21590 WebMD is awesome)


So, that in a nutshell is what's going to happen to me. I have a very low threshold for pain, so I am beyond nervous about this. I know I need to trust Dr. Genius, but I'm still scared.
I might ask him for some ativan or something....advil will not be cutting it.

I have to be at Dr Genius's office by 10am on Thursday. My appointment is for 11. They are going to do a preg test before allowing me to go to radiology to register. Phil will not be allowed to go with me. I know I'm going to be ok, but that doesn't do much for alleviating my fear of the possible pain.

*sigh*