Merry Fucking Christmas. Ho Ho Ho and all that garbage.

Ok, I am the farthest thing from a "Scrooge" or a "Grinch" that you'll ever see. I LOVE Christmas. I LOVE giving gifts. I love everything about the holiday. I even LIKE to go see our families! *gasp!*

Here's what I don't like, and what I can do without:
1) Traffic. Seriously, learn how to fucking drive. And out of staters who come here for our glorious tax free food and clothing----U TURNS ARE ILLEGAL IN PA. STOP DOING THEM IMMEDIATELY. Also, use the turn signals your car was equipped with. And, please invest in some sort of GPS unit, so you are not constantly slamming on your breaks at every single possible entrance to a store/mall/plaza. And quit cutting me off in the lanes just because you don't know where you're supposed to be.

2) Asshatty DoucheBag shoppers. If it's in my cart, YES I PLAN TO BUY IT. No, I DON'T CARE that you "can't find one anywhere" or that "it's all my kid asked for" Too fucking bad, and if I see your hands in my cart I swear on the Baby Jesus that I will break every fucking bone in them.

3) Eggnog. Really? Gross. Keep it away from me.

4) Ingrateful assholes who shall remain nameless, who can't buy a fucking CARD for either of my parents (who raised him!) but CAN spend money on our mutual sperm donor. (oh and if you know the nameless wonder, don't tell him what I wrote..no I'm not talking shit, it's nothing I wouldn't say to his face, just don't be a dick, alright?)

5) SNOW. and ICE. Please go away, forever.

6) Fake-nice at "obligatory" parties. If I don't talk to you all year long, why would you think that I want to talk to you now that it's Christmas? Be gone, interloper, you're not cool enough for us.

7) Remakes of Christmas songs. Yes I know there are only so many ones to go around. I don't mind other artists re-interpreting traditional songs like Silent Night, or Frosty, what I don't care for is the 5000 "singers" who suddenly think it's a great idea to cover Wham's "Last Christmas". No, it's not a good idea, and you suck at life.

8) People who can't give you a wish list when you ask for one. Seriously, if I have asked you what you want for Christmas, it's because I want to give you a gift. Not because I want you to buy me one. Please, try to come up with something a little more specific than "ohmygosh I don't want anything at all..........but..maybe something with squirrels or owls on it"

9) People who don't take my wishlist seriously, or tell me "oh that's not a gift". Hey, I take the time to think of some things to suggest, and they are things I either want/need, so if you don't want to get it for me, don't, but don't tell me that I have a ridiculous list full of non gifts. Maybe I LIKE socks!

10) Once again, not naming names...but "people" who don't bring anything ever, but stick their hands out expecting it to be filled with gifts. And then not even trying to disguise the disappointment when you are given something that you think is beneath you. Grow the fuck up, and be happy you got anything at all...because you sure didn't get us anything.


Happy Holidays!